I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
