I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
