things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
