About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
