I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
