It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
