Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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