ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
