apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
