love makes seman taste better
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
