The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
