if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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