It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
