sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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