Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize