the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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