You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
