im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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