he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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