My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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