so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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