I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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