you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
