Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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