Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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