Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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