Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the raccoons are back...
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