Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
