he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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