I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
