im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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