I think my vagina is haunted
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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