nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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