Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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