o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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