You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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