I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
