I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my being single is dangerous.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
