Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
