WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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