I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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