she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you had me at cake vodka
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
