The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
