Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
