she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
