I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
