Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dual....:-)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
