I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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