Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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