I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he shaved USA in his pubs
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
