maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
