I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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