in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize