I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you had me at cake vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I could fuck to npr.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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