I wanna bring you to show and tell
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I smell stomach acid.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
