Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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