Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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