I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
