You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
