even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Someone signed my nipple.
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