captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
