Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
