Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
