dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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