i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
