She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
