What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
