Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
