I hate your face
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize