So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
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