O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
