my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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