my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
