maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
