Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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