You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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