You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you had me at cake vodka
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
