Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
