I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
